


Melancholy

by Xanders_collection



Series: Drabbles/One Shots [12]
Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Gore, Bugs & Insects, Crying, Murder, Self-Harm, Suffering, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:34:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27170071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xanders_collection/pseuds/Xanders_collection
Summary: Amaimon's so used to pain, he never knew how much he'd miss it when it no longer hurt.
Series: Drabbles/One Shots [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1093761
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Melancholy

**Author's Note:**

> Idk it just happened

Pain. Existence is pain. It's never not been. Every breath, every blink, every movement, pain possessed the body as much as he did. 

It never stopped. 

  
  


From the second he'd enter, his tail pushing through and his heart forcing itself to bloom was agony. 

Why? 

Why was it so unfair? 

  
  


He stared at his hand, maggots crawling within the rot, he clenched his hand into a fist listening to them squelch. He dug his claws through the skin and with a blur and head spin there was nothing. 

Nothing. 

It was worse than the pain. 

To have nothing, to just be. It wasn't living. 

The agony restarted with his heart bursting out, hand clawing at his chest with tears streaming from his eyes. Sensation. 

It was addicting. 

-

"Amaimon." The voice was low. Fingers in his hair rubbing at his scalp. "It's time to abandon this one." He wished he could see. His eyes had liquidated weeks ago. If he could speak he'd refuse. Pain was living. 

Pain was addicting. 

-

  
  


He froze, blood rushing up his throat spilling from his lips making him collapse, he no longer felt the beating of the organ in his chest. 

"I told you that too much power would make you explode." 

He convulsed, feeling his organs one by one fail and burst, blood blurring his vision. He screamed and dug his claws into his eyes tearing down and destroying his skull from his sockets.

It hurt. 

Why must it hurt?

-

They wrapped his face when his skin started rotting, blood constantly dripping. His other siblings sitting at the table among him. He felt a wave of nausea and his head hit the table. His siblings all turned towards him. 

His eyes felt so heavy, everything felt heavy. It was hard to pull his head back up. 

"I-" 

Gehenna was silent. 

-

"Does it hurt, brother?" Lucifer knelt next to him. "Such a burden we carry." His hand grasping his chin directing his eyes to his own. The glow made Amaimon screech as his brother ripped his body to pieces forcing him back to the abyss of Gehenna. 

-

"Samael?" Amaimon sat swinging his legs on a tree branch, his host a young child. "Yes, little brother?" The earth king turned his gaze to the grey sky above them. "Does it hurt?" 

"Yes." 

"Ah, okay." He leaned backwards and let go of the branch plummeting towards the forest floor. He felt his skull crack open and was forced from his vessel. 

-

"You must have noticed that our dear younger brother has been destroying his hosts on purpose." Amaimon couldn't hear nor see yet he knew Azazel and Samael had found him, he could sense them standing in front of him. He could see their aspects with his own. "He is in pain." 

"We are all in pain." 

-

"If I can make a host that would not hurt, would you take it, my dear brother?" Amaimon pursed his lips and sighed, his brain was turning to mush making it hard to think, when he opened his mouth a swarm of maggots fell from his lips. He closed his mouth. A nod would do. 

-

Amaimon screamed at the agony of his heart breaking through, blood pooling as he scratched at his chest. 

It stopped. 

There was nothing. Not as gehenna nothing. But no pain. Just sensation. His hands cupping his cheeks. "It doesn't hurt." 

It felt...good. 

Samael kneeled before him and smiled. "Congratulations, little brother." Amaimon hummed and thanked him. 

-

"Samael?" He swung his legs looking down at the city, the abandoned construction site towered high above.

"Yes, little brother?" Samael sipped from a tea cup watching him from his peripheral. "Does it hurt?" 

Samael chuckled into his palm. "Haven't we had this conversation? My dear if you jump I'm afraid I'm not letting you die this time." Amaimon hummed and petted Behemoth. "But yes, it still does." 

"Okay." 

Amaimon blinked and reached his hand up towards the sky, he grabbed his fingers with his other and snapped them, bone piercing through his skin. They healed in an instance. 

"How boring." 

He bit into his forearm and snapped through cutting his arm off only to have it instantly heal. He turned to get the goblins attention and threw his arm, his kin jumping in excitement before it dived after it going to fetch it. 

The Earth King inhaled and dug his claws into his chest clutching the fleshy heart, even squashing it to mush did nothing. The small seconds of pain weren't as they used to be. 

He produced his heart and let loose of his power, the beams under them rattling, the town below them losing power. 

He felt the pain, his body dying cell by cell, his healing not being able to catch up with his aspect projecting outwards. The blood rolling down his cheeks as tears of joy. 

Then it stopped. 

  
  


His heart contained in an orb with keys surrounding it. He locked eyes with Samael. 

"You mustn't." 

  
  


"I miss it." 

  
  


He had never seen Samael with such a solemn expression, kneeling down to cup his cheek, wiping away the blood only to smear it across his cheek. "I know." He broke, real emotion breaking through as he wailed into his brother's arms. "It's unfair brother!" He sobbed harder when the other demon rubbed his back. "Why isn't it enough?!" Amaimon felt himself go limb. 

"It's driving me mad." He mumbled into Samael's chest. "No body will ever be enough, will it?" His fist hit the beam and it cracked. 

Samael's silence was his answer. 

"Is this what it is to be human?" Fists clutching his brother's cape. "Suffering?" 

"Forgive me, Amaimon." His hands were in his hair soothing him. "If you deflect to Lucifer I will not hold it against you." 

"No." There was no hesitation. "Suffering is living. It will always be better than existing." 


End file.
